


i look in your eyes and lose myself

by sunshineofmylife93 (mercyinyou93)



Series: Connection is Everything [2]
Category: Strictly Come Dancing RPF
Genre: F/M, a fic where Shy Ranvir becomes Confident Ranvir, also the men r trash fic we all need (giovanni is very much not trash though), basically the butterfly concept fic that we all need, but it is also quite fluffy, hurt/comfort and mild angst have entered the building, okay i'll stop with the tags now, okay so writing men is still hard when you're a lesbian, ranvir stays taking out the trash and for that I applaud her, so that's nice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28834170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercyinyou93/pseuds/sunshineofmylife93
Summary: in which Ranvir learns to let go and love herself, while also finding love along the way. set from week 4 training onwards.title is from For Love by Lush - not in any way a Ranvanni song, I just like Lush and thought those few lines suited our favs.
Relationships: Giovanni Pernice/Ranvir Singh
Series: Connection is Everything [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075274
Comments: 9
Kudos: 19





	i look in your eyes and lose myself

**Author's Note:**

> just a disclaimer to say that this is all completely fictional!!

_This is so real_

_It’s what I feel_

_I look in your eyes_

_And lose myself_

“One, two, three, four; two, two three four…”

Ranvir stood still and took a deep breath as Giovanni counted them in, watching the fringes on her dance skirt move. They were still walking through the steps late into Monday’s training, which had been hard both emotionally and physically.

Cha-Cha was nothing like any of their previous dances. Ranvir had yet to find any positive emotions about the dance – it wasn’t empowering like their Paso Doble, energetic like their Quickstep, or romantic like their Foxtrot. She felt completely overwhelmed at the performance aspect of the dance – it had been easy enough to hide any confidence issues when she was in hold with Giovanni, especially when he was always so encouraging. On Saturday she would be practically alone on the dance floor while millions of people watched her attempt straight legs, hip rotation, and so many other steps she had yet to remember. A voice in the back of her head laughed at the idea that she could ever pull of such a dance, especially on national television. No, sitting at a desk in a nice dress or standing outside Number Ten in a big coat would be ideal. Not attempting hip isolations in a fringed dress in front of millions.

Giovanni counted and named each step as they walked through the routine. Ranvir felt herself gripping tightly onto him every time they were in hold and then subsequently dreading each step where she would have to do something solo. Each time he let her go, a lump formed in her throat as she tried to avoid the mirrors in the training room. Every time Giovanni counted a beat, a new knot seemed to form in her stomach.

Ranvir felt an overwhelming sense of guilt as she clumsily walked through each step. Giovanni had already gone above and beyond in the past couple of weeks to relax his teaching style and she didn’t want to test his patience.

_I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this._

_\--_

As he counted her into a solo step, Ranvir started to panic. She felt sick with nerves and as Giovanni got to the third count, she held her hands up and sighed, trying to conceal her discomfort. “I’m sorry. Can we have another break?”

Giovanni faced her and crossed his arms. “We just had a break. Come on, we’re nearly at the end of it now.”

“ _Please_ , Giovanni,” Ranvir felt tears sting in her eyes. “I’m so exhausted.”

The man in question sighed in defeat and gestured to the sofa in the corner of the training room. “Fine. I don’t know what’s wrong with you today, Ranvi.” The nickname which usually worked to soften a conversation didn’t have the effect Giovanni had wanted. Not this time.

“It’s not me. It’s this bloody dance.” Ranvir said, slumping into the corner of the sofa.

“Well, the technique can be-”

“It’s not the technique! Not yet anyway,” Ranvir snapped. Giovanni stared at her, wide-eyed and wordless. “It’s, you know, having to look sexy. I just can’t do it.”

Giovanni paused, his eyes not leaving Ranvir’s. “Sure you can.”

Ranvir raised an eyebrow. “I’m serious. I just can’t do it. That’s the problem.”

Giovanni sat down on the opposite side of the sofa and silently regarded Ranvir, who began to feel uncomfortable at his prolonged gaze. “Why do you think you can’t?” he asked. His caring, inquisitive tone made it impossible for her to back out of the conversation.

How could Ranvir even begin to explain? Where would she start?

It was one of those things that she’d rather not think about at all. When she did, it was only ever the tip of the iceberg – something small that reminded her of how she felt then, like a snippet of a song, a photo in an album, the plot of an episode of a crime drama, or how the air smelt on a particular day. She could think about the very edges of what happened and then will herself to move on, but if she got in deep, it took a lot to pull her out again.

“I, er… well, you know I’m divorced, don’t you?” Ranvir started. Giovanni nodded slowly and a look of concern emerged on his face.

“Look, long story short, he treated me like shit. I’d rather not dwell on it,” she breathed out slowly, not daring to look at Giovanni. It was safer to keep her eyes on the pattern of her leggings. “It’s hard to believe how small someone can make you feel until it happens. Every time he said something to me, it was like he had a way of digging me into a huge hole and then pouring the soil on me until I suffocated. It was so, so painful. More than words can describe. Everything about me was negative to him when we were alone, but as soon as we were around other people, he would be almost normal… But there’d be this undercurrent that only I could sense, and then it would all come out when we got home. I couldn’t bring Tushaan up in an environment like that, so we got divorced.”

Giovanni hastily wiped his eyes before Ranvir gained the courage to look up at him again. “I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he said. His voice was quiet and soothing, but Ranvir couldn’t miss the slight shake in his tone. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“I would’ve had to tell you eventually.” Ranvir said.

“I know, but you’re still brave. Do you need a hug?” Giovanni asked. Ranvir silently slid over to the other end of the sofa into Giovanni’s outstretched arms. The tears began to fall before she even realised, and she buried her face into his t-shirt out of embarrassment. Giovanni rubbed a soothing pattern on Ranvir’s back and held her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

\--

Ranvir cried into Giovanni’s t-shirt, grateful for the solid warmth and comfort that he provided. Gradually her sobs tailed off, but Giovanni showed no signs of letting her go.

“Just stay here for as long as you need. We’ll finish walking through in the morning.” Giovanni said softly. It was such a stark contrast to his long-held reputation as a hard taskmaster, and Ranvir couldn’t help but feel her stomach flip at how considerate he had been. Sitting there against Giovanni’s chest while he rested his head on hers, it was difficult to believe that he was so hard on all his previous partners. She dropped that thought as soon as it had appeared, not daring to believe he was doing this for any reason other than kindness.

Ranvir let out a sigh as her post-cry headache started to build, accompanied by a lingering sense of guilt. “Sorry. We’ve lost our last hour of training because of that.”

“Don’t be sorry. You were tired anyway – we couldn’t have done much more,” Giovanni tucked a lock of Ranvir’s hair behind her ear. “I had no idea you were feeling like that.”

“It wasn’t so bad last week. Dancing together is easier – people are looking at both of us. During a lot of the Cha-Cha, people are supposed to be looking at me, and I’m not sure I can do it justice.” Ranvir said.

“Oh, baby, of course you can. We’ll practise until it just feels like muscle memory and by then, you won’t even be thinking about what you look like.” Giovanni encouraged. Ranvir leant her head against his chest again and sighed deeply.

“It’s not about what _I_ think I look like, not really. It’s more about what everyone else thinks. He got into my head and made me think that everyone else thought of me as ugly, boring, frumpy… god, the list goes on. Anyway, when you’ve been told day after day that everyone thinks you look like shit, you start to believe it yourself.” Ranvir said, wiping away the fresh tears that stung her eyes.

Giovanni pulled her close again, so close that Ranvir was almost in his lap. “You’re none of those things.” He whispered against the top of her head. His tone was so sincere that it caught Ranvir completely off guard.

“Thank you. But I can’t imagine people are going to react that kindly to the Strictly producers trying to make a forty-three-year-old mum look sexy.” Ranvir said sullenly.

Giovanni paused for a moment, twisting a lock of her hair around his fingers. “They wouldn’t have to try very hard.” He whispered softly.

Ranvir’s stomach flipped again. Was this really just kindness? Surely he didn’t really think that. _He must say that to everyone_. It was the only way she could rationalise his blatant compliments. Harmless flirting was one thing, but this time Giovanni sounded so sincere, so sure in what he was saying. It wasn’t just a frivolous remark. She brought her head up from his chest to read his expression. There was no playful smirk, no laughter. His eyes were so soft and earnest, growing darker as she made eye contact. She couldn’t help but flick her eyes down to his lips, just momentarily, to entertain the fantasy. She could have kissed him right then, but she didn’t.

“Oh, Giovanni. You don’t have to say things you don’t mean.” She played it off – the safer thing to do. Reluctantly, Ranvir broke their eye contact and returned her head to the safer resting place of Giovanni’s t-shirt.

“I do mean it,” He murmured into her hair. “And I’ll spend all week proving to you that you _are_ beautiful and sexy if I have to. We’ll smash this dance, Ranvi. Whatever it takes.”

Ranvir kept her head against Giovanni’s chest, concealing the blush that had formed on her cheeks at his kind words. The next few days would be torture, but at least she knew that he would be by her side.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just my interpretation of what happened to Ranvir. I based it on something that happened to one of my friends because Ranvir's body language and the way she talks publicly about how she feels is scarily similar to my friend. I do stay hyping up my friend - she is in a much better place now. 
> 
> hope you all enjoyed xox


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